I don’t know if you’ve noticed it as much as I have, but social media seems to turn reasonable, even-keeled, congenial people into ruthless extremists looking for a fight. People, even business people whose customers can easily find their rants, seem to feel secure in unleashing their hostilities as they hide safely behind their computer screens. Facebook is a breeding ground for debates over contentious issues. Twitter is flooded with profanity. YouTube is overwhelmed with videos of otherwise reasonable people rambling angrily over this, that, and the other. What are we to make of this behavior?
A friend of mine recently commented about the negativity prevalent on Facebook. I don’t believe that negativity is the problem. I believe that the problem is indecency. You can have a disagreement without being rude. Dissent can even be healthy. We learn new things only when our beliefs are challenged. Nevertheless, when we are insulting and antagonistic, we don’t cause people to reevaluate their beliefs; we cause people to defend their beliefs. If we want to have healthy intellectual discussions, we’ve just got to be nicer.
But what about “authenticity?” Aren’t we being inauthentic if we hold back? Shouldn’t we be as vile and contemptuous as we feel? Otherwise, aren’t we pretending to be something we’re not? No, I don’t think so. Being authentic isn’t the same thing as being transparent. We should never be completely transparent. We should always filter our communication. If we are to get a long with other people in this world (and we’ll all be much better off if we do), we have to think about how our words and actions are going to make others feel. That’s not being inauthentic; that’s just being polite.
Your Personal Brand
As business people, we need to be more wary than anyone of how we’re behaving online. Some people are uncomfortable with the idea of personal brands. We don’t have to call it that; we can call it “reputation.” In business (or in life for that matter), your reputation is everything. If the person representing the business is hostile and derogatory, people will see the business in the same way? You can say that you separate your business from your personal life but, to consumers, there is no difference. If they can draw a connection between you and your business, they will.
Obviously, it’s just good public relations to be nice on your social networks. You don’t want to give people a reason to attack your business. But, beyond that, what’s so wrong with being nice just to be nice? What if you weren’t just being nice because it’s good business and you instead just became nice all around? Would that be such a bad thing? Here’s what I think. We don’t need to pretend to be nice on social media just so we don’t drive potential customers away. Instead, we should work on really being nice…and good PR will just be a natural byproduct.
What do you think? Is it possible to bring civility back to social media? Can we all learn to play nice?
I agree wholeheartedly. People feel invisible behind the anonymity of their electronic devices. I'm hoping it's just an adjustment in reality and people will learn, that to be genuine, there needs to be a consistency across all communication platforms along with a graciousness of intent.
I agree with the overall notion that there is too much incivility in social media. As an old friend told me "You were absolutely, 100% correct in your criticism of that person - but remember, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar."
@Tom Rochford Yep, it all depends on whether we're trying to win the argument or person.
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I agree with Steve on the rudeness and limited thinking that happens on youtube. It is as if they want to see how mean they can be on purpose.
I also see a lot of loving generous people many places in the social media space.
On of the abundance lessons I have relearned over time is we see what we need to address in ourselves. Is this a fun lesson to be reminded? Not usually. I ask myself how can I heal that in me which I see in others that disturbs me.
Imagine a world where that was the first action we all took when we saw meanness.
Now how is it I can see two totally different things from one platform to another - a lesson in meditation I am thinking.
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@prosperitygal Right on, Michele! "We see what we need to address in ourselves." 90% of what I write and teach is inspired by what I've learned from my own stupidity.
@douglaserice @prosperitygal Embrace your inner fool! I kind of want one of those "I'm With Stupid" t-shirts but with an arrow pointing upwards... own it before it owns me, y'know? :-)
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I actually think there's a good amount of decency across the social web, at least in the groups that I regularly frequent. You do of course see disagreements spiralling out of discourse and into disparagement, but I try to avoid those forums. YouTube comments are the most prime example... rarely do I find anything mind-expanding there (unless I'm trying to expand my repertoire of insults, of course)... perhaps the slightly younger, less mature user base answers for that, though. The biggest tendency I've noticed towards the negative recently is bloggers writing deliberately provoking pieces... 'rants', perhaps... in a thinly veiled attempt to gain clicks. Sometimes it's valid, with constructive criticism beneath the tabloid-esque headline, but more often it's simply a cheap ploy. I find that more worrying, in some ways, as it's a calculated move rather than a momentary lapse of reason. In the end, though, your message is the right one Doug, whether or not people are more quarrelsome these days: stay nice, keep a positive attitude and reputation. My generation's finest philosophers summarized it well, "Be excellent to each other." ~Bill S. Preston Esq. & Ted Theodore Logan :-)
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@Steve Birkett Steve, yeah, I pretty much agree with you. Most of the people I've encountered on social media have been awesome people and have great manners. There are several, though, who behave more indecently online than they do in person. I think that, as time goes by, the distinction between online and offline is going to dissipate and people will be revealed for who they really are.